Stepping Up The Game, Redefining Elizabeth

I found my “I am woman! Hear me roar” façade, well maybe not façade … demeanor, that’s a better word, taking a header this week. The mother’s guilt started to rear its ugly head as I looked around the house and saw the clutter piling up. It seems that the people I love haven’t quite realized how serious I am and I have let them get away with it.

“Oh, Mom will get that. I have a movie to go to and if I slip out while she’s “writing”, she’ll never notice.”

“Gee, that Playstation game is calling my name, so what if I grab a separate glass every time I grab a new beer and they pile up, Sweetie can get it once she’s done with her little hobby. I’ve worked all day and want to relax.”

I find it really hard to work around mess. I have always thought that the way your house looks reflects the chaos in your life. Well, I had a theory that I was somewhat wrong. The clutter will always be there in one form or another but the burning desire I have to write is constantly growing as well. That is why I am forcing myself into keeping the promise that I made to have and to hold my hopes and my dreams until death I do part.

My husband is quite wonderful though and is struggling through his own insecurities, although deep-seeded, by working on getting to know the woman I am becoming and by helping me find the confidence that he says I always had but am now awakening. I’m starting to like this woman that I’m becoming even if she’s carrying around a little guilt, the guilt of putting herself first for once.

So in keeping my promise and as I self reflect and redefine who I am becoming, I am kicking the clutter aside and delegating duties to others. If by teaching myself that, maybe I can leave the impressions on my kids and loved ones that sometimes to find who you are, you have to help the people around you learn that sometimes the clutter we build together has to be torn down together. Take a guilt-free vacation by asking for help and delegating duties.